So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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