Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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