He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
