Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
