just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
