I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
