We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
