i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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