two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
