we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
