I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
