I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
