I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
