If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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