I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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