Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
