She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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