she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
