Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In other news, I just burned my penis
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
