She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
