It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I did not marry a roomba.
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