Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
