Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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