me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's blow job season.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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