Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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