Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize