I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
