Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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