Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
