Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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