you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
