You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
