So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
