I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
