Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
