i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
