how can u be prego again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
