I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I touched a dick in church today
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
