If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
