you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
