her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
