Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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