fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
