My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
