worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
