Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
