He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
