i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
