When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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