Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
