The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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