i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I AM VODKA MAN
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize
