I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
