Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
