The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
