My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
