So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
