apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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