He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
