i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
