So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize