Don't make out with my wife yet
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
