Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
