I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize