Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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