New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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