Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
