hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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