My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
