he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
