Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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