I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
