I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
