Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
