I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
